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Blutwölfin
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005, 04:07 PM
immaturity

# "Christianity sucks. I quit." So, you want to rebel? You might consider a complete 180, right down to devil-worship and black magic... but you don't have the guts to go that far, since you're still secretly terrified of going to Hell. Hey, Wicca is perfect! It's actually not that evil, but your family doesn't know that. You can creep everyone out and keep your soul safe at the same time!

# "Look at me, I'm a witch!" That oh-so-dangerous leap out of the broom closet, which usually occurs within the first week you buy a book about Wicca. You want to let everyone know about your change of religion, for some godawful reason, especially parents and authority figures. Religious beliefs can't possibly live quietly inside of your own head, they have to be shared! (But you aren't pushy about it, oh no... don't you just hate those Jehova's Witnesses?)
You don your little pentacle necklace and wear it in public, just -itching- for someone to walk up to you and start an argument. Then you'll be able to correct them about dozens of things you've learned word-for-word.... ("Male witches aren't called warlocks!") Oh! Don't you just love the attention you get?

# If you don't want to step out of the broom closet, there are still various ways to stick a toe out the door for each of the people you want to impress and/or frighten. (Like wearing your pentacle -under- your shirt, on a short chain, so it'll slide into view if you shift just right. Or you can wear gothed- or hippied-out clothing and say "Oh, Goddess!" every five minutes. Or you can call your cat a familiar and your cookbook a grimoire [accidentally, of course] ...the list goes on.)

# "Better not tick me off..." Sure, very few "Wiccans" would actually say this, but there are plenty who will gladly imply it. And they'll bind someone they don't like without a second thought -- always to something "for their own good" so that whole threefold thing doesn't apply.

# By the way, did you know that the Wiccan threefold law applies to everyone, whether Wiccan or not? And at the same time, Wiccans won't go to Hell because they don't believe in one.

# "Wicca is a peaceful, tolerant religion... compared to, say, Christianity." Soon you figure out that you can insult your religious supressors (who are all secretly out to get you) and feel holier-than-thou at the same time! You can blame them for everything from the Inquisition to teenage pregnancy. Impress a group of Wiccans and suddenly you're lifelong friends who all have something in common... Christian-bashing. And now when the kids at school make fun of you, it's not because you're fat, ugly, shy, wear braces/glasses, or are part of the wrong clique... it's because they're religiously intolerant, those unenlightened fools.

# "It's a witch thing. You wouldn't understand." You get to feel oh-so-self-righteous by knowing all the little nuances of the unseen world (even though you can't tell us anything about the Qabalah, the Goetia, or the aethyral heirarchy). Your advanced state of enlightenment usually consists of a whole lot of preaching about "balance of light and dark," "karma," "harm none," and anything else that makes you feel more holy than those plebeian mundanes. I cannot count how many times I've asked a Wiccan a question that ended up in a long string of conversation designed to find out if I'm "worthy to know that"....


# Do you have a surplus of rose petals and red candles? Get a clue. There's a reason you don't have a boyfriend, and it sure ain't the quality of your spells. Try dying your hair back to its natural color. Lower your nose and stop preaching. Try smiling for once (smirking doesn't count).

# The "witchier-than-thou" complex. Soon after you become a witch, you ask your mother, "Has anything weird ever happened to you?" And she'll tell you about the time she thought Uncle Herbert was going to call, and, five minutes later, he did! "Aha!" you'll think, "It's genetic!" In a burst of clarity, you suddenly realize that your mother was a repressed witch; your grandmother was a witch; your great-grandmother got burned at the stake in the Salem Witch Trials; and your other relatives were all Celtic, so you should probably start wearing those nifty knotwork rings.
[B]
misconceptions

# Oh, about your great-grandmother -- there were no witches in Salem, just a single dark-skinned woman practicing her native religion. And by the way, no "witch" has ever been burned at the stake in America.

# About that Celtic knotwork -- most of the Bible-hating Wiccans I know would be horrified to learn that it was famous for being used to fill in the margins of old Christian (yes, Christian) illuminated manuscripts. (And "other stuff, too" -- added to satiate the nitpickers. Note that I've never found any of this "other stuff" to involve witchcraft.) Any "meanings" you've read for certain designs have only been recently invented as marketing/sales tactics.
(BTW, to those Wiccans claiming to be Celtic: it was a culture, not a bloodline. And if you had some Celts in your family's background some thousands of years ago? Big deal. My ancestors invented fire and the wheel, but why the heck would I want to brag about it?)

# "Christianity stole lots of stuff from us, and then they nearly wiped us out!" For some obscure reason, you equate ancient paganism with Wicca. If it had anything to do with nature or females, by gum, it must have been some early branch of Wicca! Despite the fact that Wicca is only about 50 years old (which means it wasn't even invented until many years after Salem's trials) every fluffy believes wholeheartedly that Wicca is based on a secret religion that's somehow been hidden from the civilized world for thousands of years. (Even the Burning Times left no record of it!) I can honestly understand the growth of these myths in the 60's and 70's, when the rebellious teens were always in a highly-suggestible state of mind, but you should know better than to be that gullible. For more on the origins of your own effing religion, see the links page. Or read my no-BS History of Wicca page. (Unless you're still content to believe what your Ravenwolf-reading friends tell you to think about history.)

# "Just as long as I believe in the five elements, Wicca is anything I want it to be!" Absolutely NOT! Just as you can't add a green-skinned, three-eyed goddess statue to your communion altar and keep calling yourself "Catholic," neither can you mutilate "Wicca" to mean anything you'd like.
If you'd ever read Wicca's 161 laws, you'd know that you're not supposed to claim Wicca as a religion -- in fact, you're supposed to preach that witchcraft is evil and deny that you practice it. But then you wouldn't be able to campaign for Sabbats off at work or send angry letters to your senators... let alone wear plate-sized pentacles to get attention!
But I don't expect any of this to change your mind. After all, every lonely Wiccan knows that all of that 13-member coven skyclad stuff is totally optional.

# "So you're saying that we should practice Gardnerian Wicca down to the letter? How ignorant! One of the best things about Wicca is that we can be diverse and flexible!!!" Being "flexible" requires a starting point. Try to get some knowledge of what your religion was based on before you start grabbing and tossing like you're at a buffet table.

# "It's called being 'eclectic'!!!" From what I've seen, "Eclectic Wicca" is one percent Wicca and ninety-nine percent "make it up as I go along." Anything that you don't like gets thrown out. Getting spanked with a stick some forty times sounds too kinky? Forget the symbolism, just throw it out. Don't want twelve other people to see you naked? Just go buy a book called Solitary Wicca instead, and nevermind all that stuff about a witch's power being blocked by cloth. The Horned God looks too scary? Forget Him, just ignore that half of the religion. Everything agressive and masculine and dark should be avoided, not revered, right? If you can call yourself a "witch" then you can call yourself "eclectic," too, and be a Wiccan without actually following any of the Wiccan religion.

So you like to throw in some Buddhism and Native American dancing into your religion? Good for you. I actually have no problem with that. But please, please...! If you do this stuff, don't call yourself "Wiccan"! Say you have "some Wiccan influence." Do you want Wicca to become as muddled and corrupted as other religions???
[I recall seeing a particularly disturbing picture on a fluffy's webpage: a yin-yang with the caption "Another symbol they stole from us!" This is not a good sign, people.]

# "So how am I supposed to know what's Wiccan and what's not?" Read some of Gardner's books. See if they mention anything at all about how to make macrame' and aromatherapy shampoo, eh? And remember: Most "Wiccans" are not practicing Wicca at all.
Like you, they've only read about some watered-down, feelgood version of anti-Xian nature-worship that an author is promoting under the title of "Wicca." The author has taken out everything from the original version of Wicca that she doesn't agree with; her readers will scrap anything from her books that they don't think feels quite right; and the people they "teach" will walk away with a completely distorted concept of what Wicca involves. No wonder so many people are convinced that the sum total of Wicca is the Rede and the Five Elements!

If this author knew anything about Wicca itself, wouldn't she mention the fivefold kiss?!? Or warn you about performing the Great Rite with your coven leaders to attain a higher degree? And if you're reading about a religion, wouldn't she explain a bit more about the ancient Gods whose names you've been casually dropping in her five-cent spells? (By the way -- have you ever noticed that the "Old Gods" are any Gods that weren't Christian? Just pick and choose, kids! Then refer to them as if they were all worshipped in this one, common, ancient, hidden religion.)

# "I found this Wiccan book and it's everything I've always believed in! Even the paranormal stuff that Christianity refuses to admit exists!" (Wow, you finally read a book? Maybe two, even?) If Wicca vaguely fits your beliefs, then it must explain everything supernatural and non-Xian, too -- even if the religion itself doesn't say anything about spirit animal guides or ouija boards or runes.
We all know that Wicca applies universally to everything, so everything must apply universally to Wicca, too! That's why we can put unicorns, dragons, faeries, and various other mythological creatures (which actually exist, and are friendly and helpful despite all the legends) on our webpages. So break out your wiccan I-Ching set, your wiccan Amerindian totem pole, and your wiccan Egyptian ankh, and put 'em all on your altar to Athena (or Bast, or Kali -- any Goddess will do).

# "Never Again the Burning Times!" This is a huge Wiccan misconception, so here's an entire page devoted to it.


... and more you'll find here (http://www.whywiccanssuck.com/)

perkele14
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005, 04:36 PM
Good one! BTW, have these creeps ever thought that a god/goddess that is supposed to rush to ones aid or whatever when called with e.g a "healing crystal" must be a sorry excuse for a GOD... :D

Blutwölfin
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005, 05:45 PM
immaturity

# "Christianity sucks. I quit." So, you want to rebel? You might consider a complete 180, right down to devil-worship and black magic... but you don't have the guts to go that far, since you're still secretly terrified of going to Hell. Hey, Wicca is perfect! It's actually not that evil, but your family doesn't know that. You can creep everyone out and keep your soul safe at the same time!

# "Look at me, I'm a witch!" That oh-so-dangerous leap out of the broom closet, which usually occurs within the first week you buy a book about Wicca. You want to let everyone know about your change of religion, for some godawful reason, especially parents and authority figures. Religious beliefs can't possibly live quietly inside of your own head, they have to be shared! (But you aren't pushy about it, oh no... don't you just hate those Jehova's Witnesses?)
You don your little pentacle necklace and wear it in public, just -itching- for someone to walk up to you and start an argument. Then you'll be able to correct them about dozens of things you've learned word-for-word.... ("Male witches aren't called warlocks!") Oh! Don't you just love the attention you get?

# If you don't want to step out of the broom closet, there are still various ways to stick a toe out the door for each of the people you want to impress and/or frighten. (Like wearing your pentacle -under- your shirt, on a short chain, so it'll slide into view if you shift just right. Or you can wear gothed- or hippied-out clothing and say "Oh, Goddess!" every five minutes. Or you can call your cat a familiar and your cookbook a grimoire [accidentally, of course] ...the list goes on.)

# "Better not tick me off..." Sure, very few "Wiccans" would actually say this, but there are plenty who will gladly imply it. And they'll bind someone they don't like without a second thought -- always to something "for their own good" so that whole threefold thing doesn't apply.

# By the way, did you know that the Wiccan threefold law applies to everyone, whether Wiccan or not? And at the same time, Wiccans won't go to Hell because they don't believe in one.

# "Wicca is a peaceful, tolerant religion... compared to, say, Christianity." Soon you figure out that you can insult your religious supressors (who are all secretly out to get you) and feel holier-than-thou at the same time! You can blame them for everything from the Inquisition to teenage pregnancy. Impress a group of Wiccans and suddenly you're lifelong friends who all have something in common... Christian-bashing. And now when the kids at school make fun of you, it's not because you're fat, ugly, shy, wear braces/glasses, or are part of the wrong clique... it's because they're religiously intolerant, those unenlightened fools.

# "It's a witch thing. You wouldn't understand." You get to feel oh-so-self-righteous by knowing all the little nuances of the unseen world (even though you can't tell us anything about the Qabalah, the Goetia, or the aethyral heirarchy). Your advanced state of enlightenment usually consists of a whole lot of preaching about "balance of light and dark," "karma," "harm none," and anything else that makes you feel more holy than those plebeian mundanes. I cannot count how many times I've asked a Wiccan a question that ended up in a long string of conversation designed to find out if I'm "worthy to know that"....


# Do you have a surplus of rose petals and red candles? Get a clue. There's a reason you don't have a boyfriend, and it sure ain't the quality of your spells. Try dying your hair back to its natural color. Lower your nose and stop preaching. Try smiling for once (smirking doesn't count).

# The "witchier-than-thou" complex. Soon after you become a witch, you ask your mother, "Has anything weird ever happened to you?" And she'll tell you about the time she thought Uncle Herbert was going to call, and, five minutes later, he did! "Aha!" you'll think, "It's genetic!" In a burst of clarity, you suddenly realize that your mother was a repressed witch; your grandmother was a witch; your great-grandmother got burned at the stake in the Salem Witch Trials; and your other relatives were all Celtic, so you should probably start wearing those nifty knotwork rings.
[B]
misconceptions

# Oh, about your great-grandmother -- there were no witches in Salem, just a single dark-skinned woman practicing her native religion. And by the way, no "witch" has ever been burned at the stake in America.

# About that Celtic knotwork -- most of the Bible-hating Wiccans I know would be horrified to learn that it was famous for being used to fill in the margins of old Christian (yes, Christian) illuminated manuscripts. (And "other stuff, too" -- added to satiate the nitpickers. Note that I've never found any of this "other stuff" to involve witchcraft.) Any "meanings" you've read for certain designs have only been recently invented as marketing/sales tactics.
(BTW, to those Wiccans claiming to be Celtic: it was a culture, not a bloodline. And if you had some Celts in your family's background some thousands of years ago? Big deal. My ancestors invented fire and the wheel, but why the heck would I want to brag about it?)

# "Christianity stole lots of stuff from us, and then they nearly wiped us out!" For some obscure reason, you equate ancient paganism with Wicca. If it had anything to do with nature or females, by gum, it must have been some early branch of Wicca! Despite the fact that Wicca is only about 50 years old (which means it wasn't even invented until many years after Salem's trials) every fluffy believes wholeheartedly that Wicca is based on a secret religion that's somehow been hidden from the civilized world for thousands of years. (Even the Burning Times left no record of it!) I can honestly understand the growth of these myths in the 60's and 70's, when the rebellious teens were always in a highly-suggestible state of mind, but you should know better than to be that gullible. For more on the origins of your own effing religion, see the links page. Or read my no-BS History of Wicca page. (Unless you're still content to believe what your Ravenwolf-reading friends tell you to think about history.)

# "Just as long as I believe in the five elements, Wicca is anything I want it to be!" Absolutely NOT! Just as you can't add a green-skinned, three-eyed goddess statue to your communion altar and keep calling yourself "Catholic," neither can you mutilate "Wicca" to mean anything you'd like.
If you'd ever read Wicca's 161 laws, you'd know that you're not supposed to claim Wicca as a religion -- in fact, you're supposed to preach that witchcraft is evil and deny that you practice it. But then you wouldn't be able to campaign for Sabbats off at work or send angry letters to your senators... let alone wear plate-sized pentacles to get attention!
But I don't expect any of this to change your mind. After all, every lonely Wiccan knows that all of that 13-member coven skyclad stuff is totally optional.

# "So you're saying that we should practice Gardnerian Wicca down to the letter? How ignorant! One of the best things about Wicca is that we can be diverse and flexible!!!" Being "flexible" requires a starting point. Try to get some knowledge of what your religion was based on before you start grabbing and tossing like you're at a buffet table.

# "It's called being 'eclectic'!!!" From what I've seen, "Eclectic Wicca" is one percent Wicca and ninety-nine percent "make it up as I go along." Anything that you don't like gets thrown out. Getting spanked with a stick some forty times sounds too kinky? Forget the symbolism, just throw it out. Don't want twelve other people to see you naked? Just go buy a book called Solitary Wicca instead, and nevermind all that stuff about a witch's power being blocked by cloth. The Horned God looks too scary? Forget Him, just ignore that half of the religion. Everything agressive and masculine and dark should be avoided, not revered, right? If you can call yourself a "witch" then you can call yourself "eclectic," too, and be a Wiccan without actually following any of the Wiccan religion.

So you like to throw in some Buddhism and Native American dancing into your religion? Good for you. I actually have no problem with that. But please, please...! If you do this stuff, don't call yourself "Wiccan"! Say you have "some Wiccan influence." Do you want Wicca to become as muddled and corrupted as other religions???
[I recall seeing a particularly disturbing picture on a fluffy's webpage: a yin-yang with the caption "Another symbol they stole from us!" This is not a good sign, people.]

# "So how am I supposed to know what's Wiccan and what's not?" Read some of Gardner's books. See if they mention anything at all about how to make macrame' and aromatherapy shampoo, eh? And remember: Most "Wiccans" are not practicing Wicca at all.
Like you, they've only read about some watered-down, feelgood version of anti-Xian nature-worship that an author is promoting under the title of "Wicca." The author has taken out everything from the original version of Wicca that she doesn't agree with; her readers will scrap anything from her books that they don't think feels quite right; and the people they "teach" will walk away with a completely distorted concept of what Wicca involves. No wonder so many people are convinced that the sum total of Wicca is the Rede and the Five Elements!

If this author knew anything about Wicca itself, wouldn't she mention the fivefold kiss?!? Or warn you about performing the Great Rite with your coven leaders to attain a higher degree? And if you're reading about a religion, wouldn't she explain a bit more about the ancient Gods whose names you've been casually dropping in her five-cent spells? (By the way -- have you ever noticed that the "Old Gods" are any Gods that weren't Christian? Just pick and choose, kids! Then refer to them as if they were all worshipped in this one, common, ancient, hidden religion.)

# "I found this Wiccan book and it's everything I've always believed in! Even the paranormal stuff that Christianity refuses to admit exists!" (Wow, you finally read a book? Maybe two, even?) If Wicca vaguely fits your beliefs, then it must explain everything supernatural and non-Xian, too -- even if the religion itself doesn't say anything about spirit animal guides or ouija boards or runes.
We all know that Wicca applies universally to everything, so everything must apply universally to Wicca, too! That's why we can put unicorns, dragons, faeries, and various other mythological creatures (which actually exist, and are friendly and helpful despite all the legends) on our webpages. So break out your wiccan I-Ching set, your wiccan Amerindian totem pole, and your wiccan Egyptian ankh, and put 'em all on your altar to Athena (or Bast, or Kali -- any Goddess will do).

# "Never Again the Burning Times!" This is a huge Wiccan misconception, so here's an entire page devoted to it.


... and more you'll find here (http://www.whywiccanssuck.com/)

Vanir
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005, 10:38 PM
:lol
I bet they don't like being asked where their broomsticks are.
Wiccers all seem to have those "Magic Happens" stickers on their cars too :ugh
They're just part of the greater "New Age" spectrum with its fecund stream of esoteric bullshit.

barry
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005, 10:51 PM
WOW Blutwolfin, you really know your stuff., I always thought wiccans were pretentious little shits, and now i KNOW they are, and as for the claim they often make about , xtian stealing their stuff, it seems to me that the wiccans are the ones who steal from any and every tradition which suits them, as you make clear.I am reminded of a time a few years ago when a wiccan said to me that xtians had stolen Easter from them ie wiccans, i replied that in my opinion easter was derived from old english eostre, which is the old name for April, and also the name of an anglo saxon goddess of spring, so maybe xtians and wiccans have swipped it, any how f..k wiccans....:thumbsup

Aghis
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005, 11:26 PM
Trully funny. :D

These articles go into depth to prove that Wicca is a hoax:
http://www.whitedragon.org.uk/articles/hoax.htm
http://www.whitedragon.org.uk/articles/wicchoax.php

Sigurd
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005, 11:48 PM
(which you secretly suspect might be retinal burn)

haha, that really got it to the point where i couldn't hold onto the the chair :D

infoterror
Friday, December 16th, 2005, 10:54 PM
Wiccans suck because Wicca is a modernist implementation of "Heathen" beliefs. [Childish behaviour edited out. BW]

Aghis
Friday, December 16th, 2005, 11:05 PM
Hey, this is no fun... Nothing compares to having an actual Wiccan member intervene and start an argument. :D

Sigurd
Saturday, December 17th, 2005, 12:04 AM
Wiccans suck because Wicca is a modernist implementation of "Heathen" beliefs. They're as dumb as the floaty "Nordicists".

Examples of this "floaty" behaviour?

infoterror
Saturday, December 17th, 2005, 02:43 AM
Examples of this "floaty" behaviour?

Lack of real plan;
Tolerance of scenesters;
Oversocialized behavior;
Callowness regarding truth.

All sure signs of future failure! [Childish behaviour edited out. BW]!

Sifsvina
Thursday, December 22nd, 2005, 02:15 AM
LOL, back before I knew to question "folkish" being used as a bad word I was at a party of a um, prominent "asatru" leader, she was reminiscing with a former coven sister of hers about inventing the myth of the "burning times". Yup! I'd always had an uneasy feeling about alot of that "goddess worship" stuff but this was another nail in the coffin of my old "diverse" self.
:valkyrie

GreenHeart
Thursday, January 5th, 2006, 03:42 PM
Not that I like wicca or agree with it, but I don't find it necessary to mock them either. :shrugani:

newenstad
Thursday, January 5th, 2006, 04:01 PM
It isn´t one of the most serious posts...:rolleyes:
and at least: they are wiccans :gay: :P

Loki
Thursday, January 5th, 2006, 08:24 PM
But the real question is... do they swallow? ;)

ikki
Thursday, January 5th, 2006, 08:36 PM
But all that immaturity can be so much fun, when done consiously.

Death and the Sun
Friday, January 6th, 2006, 02:34 PM
At best Wicca can be a stepping-stone to a more profound and realstic understanding and appreciation of one's racial roots and traditions.

I much prefer to see young girls becoming Wiccans, rather than, say, Rastafarians or Muslims

(I have seen examples of all these in my life; and years later, as I am sure you can guess, the Wiccan one is the one whose mental, emotional and physical faculties remain the most intact)

Yes, Wicca sucks, but at least it doesn't completely destroy the people who practice it, so they still have the hope of moving on to something some substantial.

GreenHeart
Monday, January 9th, 2006, 03:57 AM
At best Wicca can be a stepping-stone to a more profound and realstic understanding and appreciation of one's racial roots and traditions.

I much prefer to see young girls becoming Wiccans, rather than, say, Rastafarians or Muslims

(I have seen examples of all these in my life; and years later, as I am sure you can guess, the Wiccan one is the one whose mental, emotional and physical faculties remain the most intact)

Yes, Wicca sucks, but at least it doesn't completely destroy the people who practice it, so they still have the hope of moving on to something some substantial.

Well said. Those are my thoughts, better expressed.