View Full Version : Perform, or else

Thursday, August 3rd, 2006, 04:57 PM
We all know at least one. The parent who pays his child huge amounts if he performs well at school and who withholds praise and encouragement if the child doesn't meet expectations. Or the parent who promises the child an expensive gift or special privileges if he wins a prize.

Parents' obsession with their child's performance can be seen in all sectors. A recent article in You Magazine highlights the extremes parents and coaches go to for the sake of school rugby. Some parents are so desperate for their children to be heroes, that they would allow their child to play in spite of serious injury, or inject them with animal hormones or other banned substances.

"For some parents, pushing their children is about an anxiety regarding their child finding their way in an increasingly competitive world, and not being able to trust the child to find their way with support rather than control. For others it can be about their own failures, and dreams they never realised. These get transferred onto the child so that the child’s success becomes the parent's success - especially if they believe themselves to have failed," says Dr Neil McGibbon, Health24's teen expert.

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Dr. Solar Wolff
Sunday, August 6th, 2006, 08:05 AM
I wish successful students would remind parents and older people what role they have, if any, in encouraging their students in school.

It seems to me that pushing too hard leads to burnout sooner or later. This is a touchy problem because if you don't push a little sooner, there is no later but you don't want your child or grandchild to burn out at the high school level--if anything at the graduate school level.

When I was 16, and my parents pushed me, I told them it didn't matter--that I was going to join the Army whether I graduated from high school or not. This really shut my parents up but I had no intension of ever joining the Army. Later I found out that this scared the piss out of my parents.

So, what is the appropriate level of encouragement?????

Sunday, August 6th, 2006, 02:23 PM
My husband and I have always encouraged our children to do the best they can do in all things. Otherwise they are only cheating themselves. And at times, when they fall....well, we are there to pick them up; however, it is always important that they take responsibility for their actions, and they have.

Monday, August 7th, 2006, 11:34 AM
My parents were just the opposite. I would have loved to have been encouraged and pushed a bit more, if I ever struggled with a subject my mum always thought that it was obviously to much for me and encouraged me to drop it. I'm sure that she thought she was doing the right thing and sparing me from stress but it took me along while to learn to dig my heels in and not to give up.
Even today, if I'm struggling with something, she'll say " Oh it's to much for you, don't do it" I spend my time lecturing her on the value of hard work, commitment and determination.