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Blutwölfin
Saturday, May 27th, 2006, 07:05 PM
How would you describe the relationship with your parents? A very close one? More distanced? Do you agree on a lot of things or do you always struggle?

Please take the poll and leave a comment. :)

Prince Eugen
Saturday, May 27th, 2006, 07:10 PM
I have very good relationship with my parents,even some times ,not so often as the past,we have quarels about my political,religion and philosophical ideas!
But when i was in troubles because of my ideas my parents support me!

Theudiskaz
Saturday, May 27th, 2006, 07:13 PM
I have a very good relationship with both of my parents. Although I have had serious problems with them for personal reasons, and I differ greatly with my mother about politics, morality etc.

GreenEyes
Saturday, May 27th, 2006, 07:57 PM
I get along beautifully with my mother and my step-father. My biological father... I don't really consider him family, so I didn't count him in this poll. I haven't had enough of a relationship with him to really establish whether or not it is good or bad.

My mom and step-dad, however, are the greatest parents anyone could ever ask for. I can only hope that I will be able to raise my children as well as they did. :D There are differences in terms of politic ideology, though, so I try to avoid discussing it with them. They tend to side with me on a lot of issues but are a lot more liberal than I'd like. Much too soft, but that's the generation they came from I suppose (the one that landed us in all this trouble!)

nordicdusk
Saturday, May 27th, 2006, 08:03 PM
I voted very bad i live with my father but we rarely talk i spend all my time in my games room.I never see my mother because i do not agree with her life style choices.I miss my family because it was a very tight relationship with my mother but that faded fast a few years ago.

Enibas
Saturday, May 27th, 2006, 11:01 PM
The relationship with my parents is good, but it wasn´t when I was a teenager. At that time we have many trouble (going out, boyfriend ...).
Political we agree, but first I want to find my own way by myself. So I found out in a roundabout way that my parents are in the right.

Now I´m a mother too and I´ve learned from my mistakes. I would never force my children to have the same opinion as me, but I try to be a model, an example to be right. I hope they find their own ways, they know I stand always behind them. Fortunately it works and we have no big disagreement.:)

Patrioten
Saturday, May 27th, 2006, 11:36 PM
Very bad and distant, my mum would probably disagree with me on that but i see it from my point of view. My mother is just the average liberal woman who doesn't know squat about anything yet has textbook "good citizen" views on everything. We talk once in a while and i can make a joke or two and laugh together but i rather keep it to a minimum. My dad and i hardly ever speak to each other, it's either exchanging "hello"s when he comes home from work, or it is him telling me to do some choir or clean something up that he blames on the first person he can find, he's pretty much pissed all of the time, usually dont sit at the table and eat with the rest of us and is an extreme pedant constantly bugging the rest of us when something isn't the way he wants it, as well as a shut in. Despite my not so warm feelings about him i notice how i'm becoming more and more like him (like father like son eh) and my mother has made me aware of this, it's apparently a family trait on my father's side to be a pissed off shut in:P .

Theudiskaz
Saturday, May 27th, 2006, 11:55 PM
Very bad and distant, my mum would probably disagree with me on that but i see it from my point of view. My mother is just the average liberal woman who doesn't know squat about anything yet has textbook "good citizen" views on everything. We talk once in a while and i can make a joke or two and laugh together but i rather keep it to a minimum. My dad and i hardly ever speak to each other, it's either exchanging "hello"s when he comes home from work, or it is him telling me to do some choir or clean something up that he blames on the first person he can find, he's pretty much pissed all of the time, usually dont sit at the table and eat with the rest of us and is an extreme pedant constantly bugging the rest of us when something isn't the way he wants it, as well as a shut in. Despite my not so warm feelings about him i notice how i'm becoming more and more like him (like father like son eh) and my mother has made me aware of this, it's apparently a family trait on my father's side to be a pissed off shut in:P .
God does that sound familiar. I get along with my mom even though she's very different from me politically and ideologically. But the way you describe your father is identical to the way my dad is. I used to hate my dad with a burning passion. The description of your own father is a perfect one of my own father, but I would like to add some other characteristics of my old man. He is a huge "workaholic" and a real task-master, very much in the German tradition. It was an absolute nightmare to live with him. He was never violent. But he showed no affection toward us, especially my mother. He didn't get home from work until at least 9:00 pm workaholic. I could never talk to him because he was constantly working. When he wasn't working he was sleeping. He is an entrepreneur. So is my mother. My parents separated about four years ago. And finalized the divorce last year. Once my dad left the house I had never been happier in my life. I work for him in the summer and see him occasionally throughout the year. We get along better, now that we don't see each other very often. But he's still very difficult to get along with. Very self-centered. Has no friends, other than his girlfriend. He's all smiles in public however. No one realizes he's a huge prick. But I still care for him, especially as I see some of his flaws in me. At least I'm conscious of them and try to improve them.:(

Oswiu
Sunday, May 28th, 2006, 12:07 AM
Very good on the whole. It's got a lot better in recent years, which anyone should bear in mind if they're a bit younger and aren't getting on with theirs so well.
It's not as if I can say anything to either of them, but that isn't really necessary. I feel very relaxed around my mother, a little less so with my father, but as long as there's something for me to talk about with him it's fine.
It's funny with my Dad - he's often mistaken for my brother. He dresses ridiculously young, and has very short haircuts occasionally. I dress rather old and wear a beard and have quite a lot of hair on my head, but it even extends as far as interests and behaviour - I get rather exasperated with him!
We all broadly agree on the Questions of our Day. If anything, my Mum is even crueller than myself when she says what she would do to certain people. :D

Patrioten
Sunday, May 28th, 2006, 12:13 AM
God does that sound familiar. I get along with my mom even though she's very different from me politically and ideoologically. But the way you describe your father is identical to the way my dad is. I used to hate my dad with a burning passion. The description of your own father is a percfect one of my own father, but I would like to add some other characteristics of my old man. He is a huge "workoholic" and a real task-master, very much in the German tradition. It was an absolute nightmare to live with him. He was never violent. But he showed no affection toward us, especially my mother. He didn't get home from work until at least 9:00 pm everynight. I could never talk to him because he was constantly working. When he wasn't working he was sleeping. He is an entrepreneur. So is my mother. My parents separated about four years ago. And finalized the devorce last year. Once my dad left the house I had never been happier in my life. I work for him in the summer and see him occasionally throughout the year. We get along better, now that we don't see each other very often. But he's still very difficult to get along with. Very self-centered. Has no friends, other than his girlfriend. He's all smiles in public however. No one realizes he's a huge prick. But I still care for him, especially as I see some of his flaws in me. At least I'm conscious of them and try to improve them.:(I would also label my father as a workoholic, although he doesn't work overtime much at all, but i'm guessing it is because he can't for whatever reason. He very reluctantly makes use of his entitled vacation weeks in the summers (only taking out 2 usually), simply because my mother tells him to so that my little brother wont have to be in school all summer.

Gorm the Old
Sunday, May 28th, 2006, 03:08 AM
I never knew my father. My relationship with my mother was stormy. She was involved in all kinds of causes, mostly pertaining to feminism and animal rights and was incessantly trying to embroil me in her causes. I had my own causes: aid to native Americans and child welfare. We fought endlessly. When we weren't fighting, or giving each other the "silent treatment" we got along fairly well. She was intelligent and could be very witty. However, since my childhood there had been no real affection between us. I took care of her and supported her in her old age out of a compelling sense of duty. To be perfectly (brutally) frank, almost of all of the stress in my stress-filled adult life came from her.

Gagnraad
Sunday, May 28th, 2006, 05:00 AM
The relationship between me and my mother was never good. Quite the opposite IMO. Nowadays, it's better than before, but far from good.
My father, however, I never knew him untill my mother threw me out and left me with no choice than to move to my father I hardly knew... We come along, but he hardly know me. That may be because I don't let him into my personal life. And I don't think I make it very easy for him, but I am who I am.
I got step-family too, and the only one I like, is my step-brother, which is a nice guy. And my step-mother, which is ok.
The rest of them I dislike, and they know it.

Ewergrin
Sunday, May 28th, 2006, 04:34 PM
Currently, the relationship I have with my parents is better than it has ever been.

Both of my parents are climbing in age and are starting to fall apart. My father has had more surgeries than anyone I know. His heart is almost gone. My mother is falling apart as well. I have devoted my life to having a great relationship with them because I finally realize that they wont be here forever.

It's funny though. All of the fighting and misery that I had when I was young has just flown completely out of the window. None of that bullshit matters. It never mattered, and I see that now. True maturity is realizing that your parents were not and are not perfect, but that their main priority was YOU!
As children, we are not capable of understanding that.

I understand that now, as a parent of two.

forever united
Monday, May 29th, 2006, 06:24 AM
i live with my mother and we dont exactly get along well but alot of the reason behind her and i not getting along is beacuse her side of the family is very christain. its hard living in the same house as here. growing up my dad was all i had and hes still one of the only people i fell i can talk to. it makes life very hard because he travels alot.:runaway

Sigrid
Monday, May 29th, 2006, 07:42 AM
I can't say. Things were bad from the beginning and got worse until they reached a crisis but that didn't fix anything, it only resulted in my losing the ability to live a normal life and so I went on and on and on, falling into traps and holes along the way and occupying myself purely with getting out of these and trying to continue under circumstances that were unbelievably bad and eventually became unbearable. By the age of fourteen I was determined to commit suicide on my sixteenth birthday. I am still here, so I must have got out of that hole as well. I have held the gun in my hand many times. What has stopped me? My animals. The thought of not seeing another sun globe descend into the far mountains and turn the sky red. I have never spoken of what happenend so I can't do so here. It is all still sitting there inside the darkness behind the mask.

I understand how it is for those who have said certain things here so far. I empathise with you.

I think the only way to solve these problems is to have a family of your own, if you are able to, and to undo the past through treating your children differently. Being aware of what happenend to you and when these things crop up in your role as parent, changing the past by doing something different. It's like going back in a time machine and altering the future by changing the past except that you will be altering the future by changing the present.

:) Your kids won't know what they could have had instead and this will be your greatest triumph over what happenend to you.

Theudanaz
Monday, May 29th, 2006, 09:14 AM
Good with mother, also with father. Since I lived with the former after their divorce, the latter has become distant. Our relationships have always been on excellent terms, but it has been unfortunate not to know my father better. Still my mother has more admirable qualities in general, and is a better role model.

Wissen ist Macht
Monday, May 29th, 2006, 10:04 AM
The relationship to my parents is not so good. That is due to my National Socialist beliefs; they cannot understand how someone who was raised in tolerant, democratic and humanistic surroundings could become such an evil, cold blooded and anti-democratic person, not putting the health and condition of the individual above everything. It is quite sad that it is this way and that it will probably never change, for I do not consider myself an "evil" person. I also do not think that I am cold blooded or a hater. But my parents do not understand National Socialism, they believe in the propaganda image supplied by the system. I have tried to explain to them that National Socialism is something else for so many times, yet, it feels like talking with walls.

forever united
Thursday, June 1st, 2006, 08:53 PM
:) Your kids won't know what they could have had instead and this will be your greatest triumph over what happenend to you.

as much as this is true because of how i was trested as a child and now as a teen im wont have kids i dont wat to turn out as they did. why to crazy and if i was to have kids they would more then likly turn out like me.

Ælfhere
Friday, June 2nd, 2006, 05:33 AM
Not bad at all. My relationship with my folks improved drastically after I moved out. :D

Sigrid
Friday, June 2nd, 2006, 07:28 AM
as much as this is true because of how i was trested as a child and now as a teen im wont have kids i dont wat to turn out as they did. why to crazy and if i was to have kids they would more then likly turn out like me.

And what is so bad about you that you believe this about yourself? Do you not think that with some hefty self-therapy you could turn what you have experienced into positive wisdom for others? And if you become wise and capable children would be able to learn from you. But, of course, only after you are able to come to terms with yourself and your past. You are right not to dive into making babies when you are still wearing the wounds of your own past.

But these can be healed. You have a right to be reasonably happy about yourself. Sometimes other people who are carrying their own wounds still unhealed make war on others. This circuit can be stopped. It requires that some of us step out of the cycle and agree that it will not continue and that we shall use what we know to make the world a better place for all children and make those constantly bleeding wounds dry up and become just battle scars from conflicts of long ago.

I would advise you to give this a go before you give up on a life for yourself through a family of your own. You are here, for a start. This means you are looking for something. That is the first step on the ladder to recovery. What happens next is whether or not you can find anything that will help you climb.

I hope you can. There is no reason why you should have to be made unhappy by circumstances beyond your control. They will cause strife while you are under their influence, but you have the power to turn things around.

You must get this power and this wisdom for yourself out of what you know and what you can do. You will slowly shed that old skin and emerge in a new strong skin, with battle scars, it's true, but also with new weapons, new tools and a new road to travel on. Because you will make that road out of the raw materials you select along the way. Always make sensible choices and discard without hesitation all the things, and people, that will only hurt you more.

Bon voyage. It's a longish road but the only way to get onto it is to take that first step.

nordicdusk
Friday, June 2nd, 2006, 10:11 AM
I have made steps to try patch things up with my mother of late as i miss her but little changes and things just dont feel right when im with her.Everything feels fake and forced for some reason.My relationship with my father is at a very low level now can not relate to someone who is drunk all the time.My mother has started to come around my house now to help (force as seems more like whats going on) my father to redecorate the house it would seem like she is setting up a back up plan for when her crazy lifestyle dies down she can just walk back into the house so there is a lot of confusion right now.

Sigrid
Friday, June 2nd, 2006, 10:45 AM
Sorry to hear about the alcoholism, ND. I know two people who each had two parents like that. It was very traumatic and depressing. And one of them also mentioned the lack of communication and how that can isolate someone because the person you're trying to talk to is not in their right mind all the time. The other person I knew was a very young girl I was once at school with. She went off the rails and got violent and her brother turned into a bona fide delinquent. It's tragic. I really do sympathise. If you can avoid it happening to you then you will save yourself for a better life, so best of everything as you watch all this unfold. :~(

nordicdusk
Friday, June 2nd, 2006, 11:58 AM
Well i do not touch alcohol so i have avoided that much.

forever united
Friday, June 2nd, 2006, 01:46 PM
Sigrid
im trying to come to terms with whats happened to me but its not easy..im still living my past everyday. i still live with my mother and my dad still at least trys to put up with my mother for my and my brothers sake. its crazy:runaway but somehow i always pull through and drag everyone else in my familt through as well.

Sigrid
Friday, June 2nd, 2006, 02:41 PM
Sigrid
im trying to come to terms with whats happened to me but its not easy..im still living my past everyday. i still live with my mother and my dad still at least trys to put up with my mother for my and my brothers sake. its crazy:runaway but somehow i always pull through and drag everyone else in my familt through as well.

That is pretty amazing on your part, forever united, but it can be very stressful because it puts a lot of pressure on you. I know this because I went through it as well. It proved way too much for me but you can't just drop it as you kind of inherit it and so you go on. This can lead to feelings that you can't stand the stress anymore. Do you ever get this?

Is there not some way you can get help to lessen the burden and help you to cope with everything?

forever united
Monday, June 5th, 2006, 05:32 AM
stress is my life with out is im sure what would happen. i do what i can this time of year is always hardest one me and as it is i have more and more people leaving on me. a lot of my friends are graduating this year. people who normaly help me cope will be gone in a matter on months and as bad as some of them feel about this they know they are going to colloge or military and laving me behind for another year.:runaway as hard as this is going to be i keep smileing knowing the Gods are not frowning on me for i try my hardest to follow their ways and thats what always pulles me though in the end.

Sigrid
Monday, June 5th, 2006, 06:54 AM
stress is my life with out is im sure what would happen. i do what i can this time of year is always hardest one me and as it is i have more and more people leaving on me. a lot of my friends are graduating this year. people who normaly help me cope will be gone in a matter on months and as bad as some of them feel about this they know they are going to colloge or military and laving me behind for another year.:runaway as hard as this is going to be i keep smileing knowing the Gods are not frowning on me for i try my hardest to follow their ways and thats what always pulles me though in the end.

This must be very hard for you. I know what it's like and I'm really sorry this has happened to you. You do also have us, of course. We are mostly too far away to do anything but we are here as a folk group and so you aren't alone any more.

Our religion is one of ancestor veneration and in all these kind of faiths the ancestors, all our family members who are departed and many other related folk group members, are understood to be connected to us. So we are also never alone in that we are connected to them and we believe that they watch us and sometimes help us to get through certain things. We have to do the living, though, and they are there as our kind of umbilical cord.

Also our faith gives to each of us a spirit guide, the fylgie. She comes to us when we are born and never leaves us unless we send her away by bad behaviour. In the mythology she accompanies us beyond death in our spirit form and speaks for us in front of the Gods. It is a good feeling to imagine her always there beside us, or in calling distance, or standing there when we need to make a decision or a choice. Again, a feeling that no matter how physically alone we may be or feel, we have our guides. But they remain these days mostly unknown to people and I'm sure many of our folk have been abandoned by them because they took a foreign faith and sent their fylgies away.

But you will have yours because you have the faith. So when your friends go away you can imagine yourself standing there and your fylgie there beside you. You will not be alone. And you can start to plan your life because someone in your situation must have a plan for self determination.

Formulate a life plan while you are alone and negate the stress by constantly polishing up your strategy for self assertion and escape from your situation. Write it down and monitor it and decide at the end of each day what you liked about your self that day and what you would like to change and how you think you could do this or how you could cope, and make it your personal private project. You can perform near miracles by simple determination and good planning.

Try and do well at school so you can leave and become independent. That can be a goal. Try and obtain a skill so you can develop a talent. No matter what you do excel at it and set standards for yourself so you can be your own tutor and your own mistress. You can achieve a lot of things this way. I did. I couldn't achieve everything I wanted and I didn't escape some things but I am still strategizing and learning new things and looking ahead. That way bad times and the bad feelings that go with them can be conquered more easily and don't last as long as they do when you're feeling helpless and depressed.

There are quite a few here who have had these experiences and you'll be able to share with them and get help and support even though it might come from far away. Some day you will feel that surge of personal power as your insecurities and stress melt away in the flame of your growing ability to conquer the forces that retard your spirit and you'll fly at some stage. It's just a question of going out onto the battle field of your particular situation and doing your best to conquer whatever brings you down, or get it under control.

Remember that if people think you are vulnerable they often treat you badly because a lot of people are closet bullies. The first lesson in self-assertion is to make yourself a nice tough mask and show them this face whenever they try to beat you down. They will see a new you and step back. You don't have to let them see the soft underbelly of you, that is not for the world, the world will trample all over that.

You need armour and you'll get that my making it yourself because only you know what kind you need and you'll wear it for those who stress you and when you are in situations when just being you won't win the day. It is a kind of warrior craft but no one will know it's happening, just you, and you will see your battle trophies multiplying as you win each contest and obtain the confidence to go further and reconquer more of the territory of the self that people steal from you when you are in a situation where you have little personal power.

:)

Stroem
Wednesday, June 28th, 2006, 07:06 PM
I have really a good relationship with my parents and that since a long time, though we often haven't the same opinion and views on certain things.
They sometimes get displeased, when I have arguments with my brother.
And they expect me to exercise my duties, which I always do.

Tabitha
Friday, June 30th, 2006, 01:23 PM
My Dad died a few years ago, we had a slightly distant relationship.
My Mum and I get on well, on the whole. She's very opinionated and could start an argument in an empty room, she's much harder than I am and her views can be quite extreme, for a long time I thought she might be the grand wizard in the KKK.

Georgia
Thursday, July 6th, 2006, 12:44 AM
My Mama died July of 2003. She was such a quiet and graceful lady, all of her life. You couldn't get into an argument with her even if you tried...... My Papa was a very strict disciplinarian, yet fair, full of wisdom. I remember well all the discussions/debates we would have as I was growing up.
We continue to have many of these debates, even today, over the phone. He calls me every week, now that phone calls are so reasonable. Sometimes we talk for several hours......and the debates continue........
Georgia:)

VilhelMina
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006, 07:37 PM
Excellent relationship with my parents. Always have.

Although, I was quite the rebel when young. I wonder where they got the patience to deal with me. :)

Richard_
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006, 11:03 PM
I have an average relation to my parents. We do not do and speak much each other, but we respect us and I never make them trouble. Sometimes I speak with my father about politician, my mother however does not accept my political opinion and becomes sometimes angry.

Heksulv
Thursday, July 20th, 2006, 05:39 AM
I answered "average" but it really varies. My mom and I have conflicting personalities, and I'm kind of cautious around my dad about expressing myself because I really have no idea how he'd react to my converting back to a Pagan religion.

At our worst, I think my mom has an immature view on life and she has problems controlling her emotions, and she thinks I'm arrogant, self-serving and also have trouble controlling my emotions. The fact that we have trouble with our emotions causes A LOT conflict between us because I have mood swings, my mood swings tick her off, she can't control her anger and yells, then I have another mood swing and start crying, and she yells at me for crying. After that, we don't talk for a few hours, then resume as usual.


My dad and I, on the other hand, get along perfectly as far as personalities are concerned. We're amused by the same things, there's good communication between us, we're both content to just worry about our own affairs, and we share some mannerisms. However, there's religious and some idealogical tension between us. To explain it in any clear form would require a lot more typing, so I'll just leave it at that. He's also the more over-protective of my parents; if I ask my parents if I can do something and one of them says no, then it's almost always him who says no.

Thalia
Friday, July 28th, 2006, 08:02 PM
My relationship to my parents is very good. It has not always been that good. When I started to see and live politics from my own point of view, they became very angry and disappointed. They still are not of my opinion, but they've accepted that they can't brainwash me. I think my father has always been ok with my beliefs but he's been worried that I could get problems because of that all. Now everything's great. I love my parents and I'm glad that our relationship is that good.

Nachtengel
Monday, April 13th, 2009, 07:59 PM
The relationship to my parents is not so good. That is due to my National Socialist beliefs; they cannot understand how someone who was raised in tolerant, democratic and humanistic surroundings could become such an evil, cold blooded and anti-democratic person, not putting the health and condition of the individual above everything. It is quite sad that it is this way and that it will probably never change, for I do not consider myself an "evil" person. I also do not think that I am cold blooded or a hater. But my parents do not understand National Socialism, they believe in the propaganda image supplied by the system. I have tried to explain to them that National Socialism is something else for so many times, yet, it feels like talking with walls.
Basically the same with mine. I gave up trying to explain to them my world view. I have a cold and distant relationship with my parents now and I don't think it's going to change any soon. Not as long as they don't learn to accept me anyway.

Aryianut
Friday, May 1st, 2009, 05:22 PM
My father died 18 years ago, but we were very close. I was his baby girl :) My mother is 81 and now lives with me. She has the same beliefs as I do mostly. Our relationship has gotten better as we have gotten older.

Pallantides
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009, 11:14 PM
Good with mother, bad with father.

Ediruc
Saturday, January 2nd, 2010, 02:20 AM
Well, my parents haven't divorced me yet, so I would say pretty average :P

Hanna
Sunday, January 3rd, 2010, 12:58 PM
I have a great relationship with my parent's but an excellent relation with my father. Lately we are (mom) having some conflict of interest in some personal matters

frippardthree
Monday, January 4th, 2010, 08:14 AM
I have an out-standing relationship with my parents, and I still spend a lot of quality time with both my mother and father. We are very traditional.

Ocko
Monday, January 4th, 2010, 05:48 PM
I had trouble with my mother and fighting her mostly because she was a devout catholic. From early childhood on I had trouble with that. I rejected not only her but also her part of the family. Later she basically developed the attitude to leave me alone and go my path, earlier I thought it was some sort of abandonement but then I figured out that I was on my own and could do what I wanted. She surely loved me, as most parent love the troublemaker more than the good kid. As a kid I felt her love as a burden but later as I was out of the house I respected her.

My father was atheist and loved nature. Often at 3 am he woke my brother and me up and we went into the forests or heath or somewhere he liked to be and watch animals and other things. He was a socialist and mild leftwing. As i developed my rightwing ideas we had some discussion but it was pretty civilized. I assume he had a lot of good memories from the 3rd Reich but was influenced by the antipropaganda of the jewish controlled FRG. After he retired he started family research and we often travelled together as he didn't like to go just by himself.

As we are from OstFriesland we have a very nice habit there. In the late afternoon when my father came home from work we had a tea where the whole family was together and frequently some guests. That was a time you processed the day and voiced your opinion about things. But the atmosphere was always friendly, that is an unwritten law.

I can say I learnt a lot especially from my father which I only realized later in my life. Then I sometimes went to him and asked about his opinion in personal matters. The advice was often good.

He had cancer but didn't want to through the treatment so he stopped eating to hunger himself to death. During that period our relationsship went to unprecedented level. He was an officer and never really showed emotional affection but at that time he really opened up and I learnt much more about him.

The day I had to leave him before he died I went into his room early in the morning and we had a long talk. Later just before i left I went back and just looked into his room he blew me a kiss. that is the last image I have from him.

I do have a little altar with his photo and often i put a little offering there and thank him for everything as well as my mother.

Blod og Jord
Monday, January 4th, 2010, 05:56 PM
During my childhood I had a good-bad relationship with my parents. Sometimes there were fights, then we got along well, then fights again.
During the teen years, it was the worst, teenage crisis and generation gap.
After I reached adulthood the conflicts died down.
Now we get along fine.

Siebenbürgerin
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010, 12:16 AM
I've a very good relationship with my parents. Sure, sometimes we've disagreements, but generally we see similarly if not eye to eye the things around us. My parents believe in preservation so I can discuss with them the subjects.

Angus
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010, 12:27 AM
For the most part i get along with both of my parents even with different religious view points.

OnePercent
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010, 01:40 AM
As a child I always had a close relationship with my mother, but I can remember being afraid of my Dad from a young age. He wasn't violent or anything but he was very stern and demanding. He was, and still is a workaholic, so for much of my childhood I only saw him for an hour or two everyday, and during the times he was home he was always ordering us to do chores or do schoolwork. Not only was he intimidating, but he was also very hard to please. It seemed that no matter what I did it still wasn't enough to appease him, and he was very sparing with praise as well. In hindsight, I think he was unhappy with his job and financial situation and it just put him in a perpetual bad mood.

Nonetheless, as I grew older my Dad and I grew closer. I was a pretty strong athlete and my Dad loved sports, so we bonded there. When I hit my teens, however, things deteriorated, as they usually do. My parents and I battled constantly during that time period. I had basically given up on trying to please my father and turned toward hedonism. Finally my dad kicked me out of the house when I was nineteen. At that point, after living on a friend's couch for a little while, I joined the Navy.

Ever since I left my parents house my dad and I have grown much closer. We still have our differences, especially about politics, but otherwise we get along very well. He has mellowed out alot over the years and I can say that we are pretty close now. I guess we just needed some space from one another.

My Mom and I have always been close, though we also have our differences. She has become something of a "born-again" christian and so she has been critical of my religious beliefs, which is kind of sad because growing up she had always encouraged me to be open minded about spiritual things.

The best thing that ever happened in terms of my relationship with my parents, however, is the birth of my daughter. It has brought us closer together than we have been since I was a child. It is really interesting to see things from the parent's point of view now and it has given me a whole new appreciation for everything my parents have done for me. I feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful family.

Untersberger
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010, 02:23 AM
I had a poor relationship with my father as a kid but as an adult he has been like a best mate as a father should be. I was close to my mother as a kid but more distant in adulthood so its interesting how that is. Overall it is a good relationship.

Family is vitally important to the fabric of community which is why I emphasis importance to it and encourage attempting to patch things up when they fall apart.

Now I have many daughters and I think the almighty is trying to tell me something ?
;)

We are here to Learn..

Fritz

Ward
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010, 04:24 AM
It's funny though. All of the fighting and misery that I had when I was young has just flown completely out of the window. None of that bullshit matters. It never mattered, and I see that now. True maturity is realizing that your parents were not and are not perfect, but that their main priority was YOU!
As children, we are not capable of understanding that.

This is so true.


Anyway, my relationship with my parents is excellent, but it wasn't always that way. From the time I was a teenager until I was well into my 20s, I often had a very strained relationship with them, but as I matured I gradually became less and less stupid around them.

For those of you, like me, with parents who had their sociopolitical views shaped during the 1960s and '70s, my advice is to just avoid talking politics with them. At this point I think it's highly unlikely that we can win over folks from this generation. They have become set in their ways, so its pretty much pointless to argue with them anyway, especially if they're your parents. It's just not worth the strain on the relationship.

germanrain
Friday, May 13th, 2011, 02:38 AM
My parents have an "on speaking terms" relationship.

They are opposed to my religious beliefs and are not happy with my choices. They are not happy that I chose to live with a man I was in a serious relationship with for 8 years, and lived together out of wedlock. Mind we had dated for a few years before we even moved in with each other. I just felt that I was making a good decision for my future, I am glad I made the choices I did. Or else if I had just married him, he would've ended the marriage and I would've had to go through a legal divorce. Not that there was not an attachment to him because we were together for so long, it saved us both from having to be divorcee's... that is the most positive way I can think of things, under the circumstances.

EQ Fighter
Friday, May 13th, 2011, 03:12 AM
My parents have an "on speaking terms" relationship.

They are opposed to my religious beliefs and are not happy with my choices. They are not happy that I chose to live with a man I was in a serious relationship with for 8 years, and lived together out of wedlock. Mind we had dated for a few years before we even moved in with each other. I just felt that I was making a good decision for my future, I am glad I made the choices I did. Or else if I had just married him, he would've ended the marriage and I would've had to go through a legal divorce. Not that there was not an attachment to him because we were together for so long, it saved us both from having to be divorcee's... that is the most positive way I can think of things, under the circumstances.

I say that is the Government would keep its business out of peoples private lives and worry about what they are elected to do, such as delivering the mail, exploring space, downsizing the military, and balancing the budget.

There would be fewer Divorces in the first place.

For all it is worth, I feel sorry your relationship failed, but that is no reason to quite trying. Also Marriage that is sanctioned by the states is more or less BS anyway. It is sort of like Religion that is sanctioned by the State dangerous nonsense.

Colourblind
Saturday, May 14th, 2011, 08:42 PM
I say that is the Government would keep its business out of peoples private lives
Don't be so sure of that. I grew up with an alcoholic dad and a mom with several mental issues. I remember the terror of growing up in that place as a young kid.

I don't know if I would've been a mentally healthy person today if the authorities had turned their heads the other way and said "well, that's your own family's business."



There would be fewer Divorces in the first place.

Whatever. That's a side-effect I can take.

Rocky v
Wednesday, May 18th, 2011, 12:52 AM
At this point in my life I have a great relationship with my parents. I think it is only now that I appreciate them as they are elderly. They both grew up during the war and they are both very hard people. They were hard on me and my siblings, but I appreciate it now and feel it makes me who I am today, as opposed to being raised by liberal weirdos. I feel fortunate growing up in a German household and being able to ask and learn about our heritage. I have gone back to Germany many times with them to visit our family, and those have always been incredible experiences. The relationship is even better now that I am older and I have even more questions for them.

I was a maniac most of High School and College and disappointed my parents many times, but I am thankful that they are still around and I think they are happy they have a son who is deadly serious about his roots. Time is short people-be nice to your parents.

Cuchulainn
Wednesday, May 18th, 2011, 01:14 AM
I voted good, most of the time everythings fine and we get along great, but my mom tends to bring work related stress home and let it out on us at the slightest thing. Mostly she's just distant, working alot as a manager of a retail store then coming home and staying in her room. My dad on the other hand is the core of my family, ya he gets grumpy sometimes but thats normal. I don't know where I'd be without my family, they have supported me my whole life and have made sure that I knew right from wrong at an early age. That all being said, I CAN'T WAIT to pay off my stupid student loan and live on my own!:D

Austin
Wednesday, May 18th, 2011, 02:06 AM
Good overall relationship although having three brothers and a mom who thought at 17 we'd be all moved out, well, it made for chaotic periods to be sure. Amazingly though our family still is very solid but one thing is very evident to me from observation of my parents though mostly my mom, do not think for a minute that you are going to raise children in a middle-class setting and then be done with them at 18, you are kidding yourself big-time. Luckily my dad was more in tune with reality and knew at 18 we wouldn't all have apartments/homes and be done with them, yet my mom, due to her difficult financial past growing up, just assumed (wrongly) that would be the case. Having two parents from different economic classes does add a lot of leadership-direction issues parenting-wise I've noticed. The middle class raised parent always thinks you are doing fine and the underprivileged raised parent always thinks you are doing almost nothing. It all works out well enough for us but it's clear to me that had my mother been more aware of the realities of raising children and putting them through college that our family would have functioned so much smoother over the years, and that wasn't always the case to be sure. My dad understood those realities because he was raised in such settings yet my mother wasn't.

germanrain
Saturday, May 21st, 2011, 05:39 AM
I truly wish that my parents and I had a good relationship. But I cannot tell you how many times they have failed at not trying to be controlling. That is what they do and continue to think that I should live my life for them and what they want and believe, and in my 30's I just do not feel I should. I cannot tell you how many times they made promises to me to only break them, and all it did was cause hurt. They constantly put me down said ugly hurtful things to me, then came back and said "im sorry, I didn't mean it" and I was expected to forgive and get over the situation on their terms instead of my own... yet if I ever did anything to upset them, I needed to back off and give them the time they needed, and they still like to throw things in my face to this day. Yet, they never want to admit when they are wrong, they always have to justify the situation, and its always "different"... I cannot stand that view of things.

Fredericus Rex
Thursday, May 26th, 2011, 03:28 AM
Average, I think I've been a bit of an arse to my parents though.

Goomer
Friday, June 10th, 2011, 11:45 AM
My father died in 1985. Otherwise, I'd likely have a decent relationship with him.

My mother's boyfriend molested me. He was disgusting in every way. My mother favored him over her own daughter. Then....she helped kidnap my own daughter when she was 3 years old.

My relationship with my mother is non-existent. For all intents and purposes.....I have no parents.

Lone Rebel
Thursday, June 30th, 2011, 09:33 PM
It's usually good except when my parents try to stick their nose in my life...

Edie
Saturday, February 25th, 2012, 06:22 PM
I don't distinguish my relationship with my parents from any other relationship I have; I don't see it as needing to tick special boxes stipulated solely by that relationship, because I don't require from them anything different from what I'd expect from friends.

While I'd consider my dad to be a friend were he not my father, my mother would be an acquaintance only. The key difference is that the former always saw me for what I was and liked me for it, and the latter distinguished only a blank canvas for what she wanted to see in my place, and hated that I wouldn't stand still and let her paint.

Because I was completely ungovernable from day one, I'd get the belt far more frequently than either of my disgustingly well-behaved siblings ever did. (When they got it it was usually because I'd managed to pin on them the blame for something I had done.) I was an unruly little rotter, though, the kind of child that people dread having to put up with, so I understand why they lost their rag with me so often. I always have a good chuckle at the delicate little daisies who claim to be traumatised by having got a skelp every now and again in childhood. None of it had much effect on me, and if my mum (the only one who ever dished it out) had ever engaged with her daughter long enough to glean something of her inchoate character, she'd have known that such discipline would never chasten me: it only spurred me into taking revenge.

As I got older the physical punishments ceded to emotional hectoring and stupid power games which she would try to rope me into whenever I did something absurd like walk past her on the landing. I'd have to escape the house every time anything 'bad' happened, because no matter how far removed I was from the scene of the uproar, how unlikely that I'd had anything to do with it, the blame would invariably end up wherever it was that I could be found. My mum could always be relied upon to trace it back to me, however tenuously. She wasn't so much interested in letting off steam that it had happened as in feeling justified in having a go at me because I just annoyed her in general. I fled because I couldn't be bothered being whinged at incessantly for something I wasn't involved in and didn't care about.

I've a ton of incidents that perfectly illustrate the dynamics at play under our roof in those years. I remember when I was about 16 being in my bedroom drying off from a shower when I heard coming from the bathroom an almighty racket as of something ejecting itself from the wall and scattering its contents hither and thither. Without even pausing to think I flew down the stairs, shoved my coat on (I had on only short pyjamas beneath it), stuffed my bare feet into my sister's Doc Martens (which was a bloody chink-approved piece of torture as her feet are about three sizes smaller than mine) and dashed the hell out of there. And the whole time in my head the refrain: shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-getout-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-getout. Scuffed about the streets for a few hours, leaned against a wall with my arms folded like some surly delinquent, sat on someone's doorstep for a spell when I was satisfied that nobody was home. When I slipped back in I crept up to my room and said nothing of it to anyone. And hilariously, no one said anything of it to me; indeed, I don't think my mum had even heard the crash from hell that had so stricken me with terror. I suspect that my brother in my absence fixed up whatever had happened in the bathroom before she could get an inkling that there was something new to moan about.

She once upbraided me for 'gouging holes in the towels' (what would I possibly have to gain from doing that? Aside from chills, thrills and inexplicable teenage kicks, what?) only to find out later that a mouse had got into the towel cupboard and was gnawing them through. Then another time I was berated for 'carving a circle in the dining table', even through there was a vase right on the spot that the circle had appeared which had obviously exerted enough pressure to leave an indentation. Even my brother stuck up for me on that nonsensical one, but she was having none of it. Because it's just not as satisfying to rant and rave against mice and vases.

When she was running low on gripe fodder she would simply get annoyed at me for not being annoyed at the stuff she was annoyed about. By remaining indifferent I was 'belittling her distress.' :lol Innumerable times I'd loose a snort, only a very slight one because I'd been trying desperately to repress my inevitable mirth, and it was enough to incur her wrath. It was terrible. I'd have preferred being chased around with a baseball bat to the stultifying nagging and emotional character condemnations I was lashed with until she finally pissed off to bed -- but not before issuing a cluck of disgust in my general direction. :D

But this is just the petty stuff that I laugh about now (and did then, too). I never despised her more than when she was showing me the most love, when she sat with me for hours refusing to let me budge until I'd eaten every morsel of the meal she'd prepared, and afterwards forced me to sit in the living room with her for a few hours more so I couldn't go anywhere near the bathroom. Or when she got a doctor in without telling me and held me in place when she sensed I was about to make a run for it (which I was). God, I loathed her for that. But it's what a mother who loves you does, and it's what my father didn't do. I try not to forget that.

Primus
Saturday, February 25th, 2012, 10:46 PM
I was estranged from my dad before he passed away a couple of years ago and I've always had a typical relationship with my mom (mostly good but with some conflicts every so often).

Herr Weigelt
Wednesday, February 29th, 2012, 09:25 PM
My relationship with my parents is relatively good at this point, although it has been through ups and downs over the years. They're still married and are coming up soon on their 40th anniversary, I'm proud of them for that. They never smothered me or were over-protective when I was a kid, which is surprising for an only child. I'm very thankful for them. :)

Schmetterling
Thursday, February 16th, 2017, 04:07 AM
My relationship with my parents has always been good, but since I started traveling the world it strangely got even better. Despite being physically apart, we communicate more often. That's not just the usual how was your day/work but deep, meaningful communications about life, etc. I've learned not to take parents for granted. They are here and love me, but they're becoming old and I'm starting to think of ways to make their retirement comfortable. I wish my partner and I could get a big house where we could live as an extended family.

Alice
Monday, February 4th, 2019, 05:26 AM
How would you describe the relationship with your parents? A very close one? More distanced? Do you agree on a lot of things or do you always struggle?

Please take the poll and leave a comment. :)

I have always been very close to both of my parents, and we agree on many things, but not on every issue, of course. My parents are (still!) somewhat overprotective of me, but they truly desire what is best for me.

Finnish Swede
Monday, February 4th, 2019, 08:39 AM
I have very good relationships with both of my parents. Always had.

Gareth Lee Hunter
Monday, February 4th, 2019, 06:23 PM
I selected Not so Good in the poll, with the following explanation:

While I give due credit to my working class parents for keeping a roof over my head and food in my belly through some very difficult times, it would be unrealistic of me to put them on a pedestal, and praise them for being model parents, because they certainly fell far short of being roll models... Being good parents requires far more than simply providing for the basic needs of children.

As reluctant as I am to admit to the shortcomings of both my parents, the unpleasant truth is they were toxic to the normal, healthy development of their three children; without being physically, or sexually abusive to us in any way.

Their failure to provide us with the necessary skills to survive on our own in the world all children eventually have to confront to successfully survive on their own was a far more subtle kind of psychological abuse that left us socially and economically crippled once we did find ourselves on our own in the big bad world that doesn't care one bit rather a person survives or not.

"In toxic families, the rules are based on a bizarre and distorted perception of reality, putting children in a place where they can be easily abused.
Examples of such toxic beliefs are:


Children should respect their parents no matter what
There are only two ways to do things – my way and the wrong way
Children should be seen but not heard
It’s wrong for children to be mad at their parents

And examples of unspoken toxic family rules can be:


Don’t be more successful than your father
Don’t be happier than your mother
Don’t lead your own life
Don’t ever stop needing me.

If children don’t obey these rules and toxic beliefs, parents react by inflictive punishment or withdrawing their love.
Consequently, children blindly obey abusive family rules, simply because they don’t want to be punished; and even more, children don’t want to be traitors to one’s family by not obeying, no matter how awful their position is."

My parents met the following dysfunctional criteria that led to our individual unpreparedness:

"3. THE CONTROLLERS – A CHILD IS ONLY A PARENT’S EXTENSION, NOTHING ELSE

Loving parents, who feel good about themselves, have no need to control their (adult) children. Toxic parents, on the other hand, experience the development of the child’s separate identity as a big loss.
They operate out of fear of abandonment and a sense of dissatisfaction with their own lives. That’s why they pull strings to keep their children dependent on them, or to have control over their lives at least to a certain extent even in adulthood.
Direct control of children involves intimidation, it’s often humiliating, and a child’s feelings get to be completely subordinated to the feelings and demands of a parent.
That’s why children raised by over‑controlling parents usually develop anxious and fearful personalities, and have difficulties maturing. In such families, the imbalance of power is tremendous.
In controlling families, the child’s opinion is worthless, and child’s needs and desires are irrelevant."

https://agileleanlife.com/toxic-parents/

Sigurdsson
Monday, February 4th, 2019, 11:27 PM
Pretty good

Uwe Jens Lornsen
Thursday, February 7th, 2019, 09:26 PM
Very , very bad !

Circumstances : My mother had some sort of hate inside ,
and had been very demanding for only the very best , and
vocally violent every single day .

She had been considered "crazy" mental sick (Geisteskrank) because
one of her brothers once called the police because he had thought ,
that there were Rote-Armee-Fraktion Lefty-Terrorists on the hay-storage
of a barn for cattle on her family's farm .


My father had been a kind of idol to me , but in the backview he just
cared for us , because he did not feel well being lonely .

After he met his second partner , he did not support us , and we sons
did not expect him to do that , because he moaned all the time being
a small poor indebted farmer .

He apparently sold the farm to some stupid people , trying to raise a
horse riding farm , which had even it's own website .

My guess is , that he earned some 900'000 Euros , and this horse-farm is sold
apparently , indicating financial disaster for the purchaser .


To me , my father had become one of the biggest "Jew-by-Character" of the world ,
and I am really not with hate of Hebrews like some Neo-Nazis are ,
because the "Eternal Jew" is something else to me , than some distant never met "Jews" .


I really had thought of murdering my mother , when I had been 16 years of age ,
but today I would sentence both to death !


I can really understand , that my mother treated us for the hate of him ,
because being married with a sweet talking backstabber is a waste of time ,
that never comes back .

I also suspect my father treating me , for the hate of his older brother ,
who inheried the large part of the farm , located directly at the seaside shore,
earning some 450'000 € annually with vacation houses and camping trailer spots .

He likely hates first-borns .


No contact , and I wish both falling down the stairs in their houses , and no-one helping them ,
leading to a sad death !

And I might not even attend the funerals .


From the backview : If my father would not have inheried anything ,
and his older brother have gotten the whole farm , my mother would
not have found him financially attractive , and they never would have
had children together , and me and my brothers would have never been born .

I feel , as if I do not exist anymore .


With my younger brothers I have no contact , since they are not detectable on the internet .
They both are Lefties , especially the youngest , who started with smoking hash .


The family is completely wiped out , and Eastern Europeans, Arabs and Negroes will
fill their place in the decades to come .

SpearBrave
Thursday, February 7th, 2019, 11:50 PM
ok after reading that.....I had damn good childhood and loved my parents :)

SaxonPagan
Friday, February 8th, 2019, 12:24 AM
I got along fine with mine, generally speaking.

I could pick faults, such as my overprotective Mum hating every GF I ever had or my Dad insisting that I needed a haircut well into my 40's (..he'd finally be happy if he could see me now :D) but these are only minor issues in the overall scheme of things.

If reincarnation exists I'd be more than happy to have the same parents again :)