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Phlegethon
Thursday, October 2nd, 2003, 05:52 PM
How a man's mind really works

Wed Oct 1, 9:54 PM ET

By Jill Serjeant

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - It's the universal question on many women's lips. "What could he be thinking?" she shrieks, or sighs or sulks at her husband, boyfriend or son.

What is it with men and cars? Why doesn't he notice how much housework needs to be done? Why does he need to keep a grip on the remote control? And the most bewildering one of all -- why won't he just talk to me?

The answers, says social philosopher and author Michael Gurian, lie not in laziness, sexism or sheer pigheadedness but in profound differences between the male and female brain -- and scientists now have the technology to prove it.

"What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works," combines two decades of neurobiological research with anecdotes from everyday life and Gurian's experience as a family therapist to present a new vision of the male psyche.

It's a vision that Gurian hopes will help promote a better understanding of men and reverse what he sees as the dangerous assumption born of the past 40 years of radical femininism that men have simply become redundant.

"As a culture, we've made profound mistakes in the last few decades by assuming that men were unnecessary. Many people have even gone so far as to negate or dismiss what is at the core of a man," Gurian writes.

Gurian, author of the 1996 groundbreaking book "The Wonder of Boys" and its follow-up "The Wonder of Girls," is no anti-feminist. He is married with two daughters, and his book mines the field of brain science to help improve relations between couples.

Culture plays a part, but Gurian argues that biology matters much more than previously realised.

"The science has been crucial. Wherever I go, I start by showing PET scans and people can see for themselves the differences between the male and female brain. I think that alters life and marriages," Gurian told Reuters.

THE SCIENCE PART

Such are the advances in technology and understanding that PET radioactive-imaging and MRI magnetic-imaging scans can now show whether a man and a woman are truly in love by measuring the amount of activity in the cingulate gyrus, an emotion centre in the brain, Gurian says.

Like a guide through a secret forest, his book leads the nonscientist through the complex world of brain science and relates it to some of the most frustrating sources of conflict between men and women in long-term relationships.

The male brain secretes less of the powerful primary bonding chemical oxytocin and less of the calming chemical serotonin than the female brain.

So while women find emotional conversations a good way to chill out at the end of the day, the tired male brain needs to zone out all that touchy-feely chatter in order to relax -- which is why he wants the remote control to zap through "mindless" sport or action movies.

His brain takes in less sensory detail than a woman's, so he doesn't see or even feel the dust and household mess in the same way. Anyhow, the male brain attaches less personal identity to the inside of a home and more to the workplace or the yard -- which is why he doesn't get worked up about housework.

Male hormones such as testosterone and vasopressin set the male brain up to seek competitive, hierarchical groups in its constant quest to prove self-worth and identity. That is why men, paradoxically (from a hormonally altered new mother's point of view), become even more workaholic once they have kids, to whom they must also prove their worth.








BACK TO NATURE

Gurian says his book is aimed mainly at women. "Men get this already. They are living this brain but they don't have the conscious language to explain it. Women are not living it.

"If they are relating to a man, I hope they will be touched, informed and entertained and will have a new vision of the way they can make their relationship work.

"I beg people to go back to nature, look at the PET scans, look at the brain differences and see if it makes sense."

If it does, the consequences are profound for a generation of "liberated" women brought up to believe it is men who have to change, and men who must respond to a female way of relating in order for marriage to succeed.

Gurian says men can learn new skills and alter their behaviour but they will not be able to meet all of women's expectations.

"Popular culture focuses so much on trying to get people closer. Most people believe that marriages break up because men and women are not close enough. But what I am learning about the brain leads to the idea of intimate separateness, in which the brain seeks less intimacy at times," Gurian said.

"People want to love each other. If we can learn who we might be -- not what IS he thinking, but what COULD he be thinking -- then I am optimistic."

Sigrun Christianson
Thursday, October 2nd, 2003, 06:02 PM
Respecting and defending each other's privacy, huh, Phleg?

We don't need to get closer - we need to respect each other and accept that no matter how much you love someone or how many years you've been together, each person is and always will be alone in his mind.

Phlegethon
Thursday, October 2nd, 2003, 06:20 PM
"Mankind occurs as male or female, as something or nothing. Woman has no share in ontological reality, no relation to the thing-in-itself, which, in the deepest interpretation, is the absolute, is God. Man in his highest form, the genius, has such a relation, and for him the absolute is either the conception of the highest worth of existence, in which case he is a philosopher; or it is the wonderful fairyland of dreams, the kingdom of absolute beauty, and then he is an artist."

Otto Weininger

Sigrun Christianson
Thursday, October 2nd, 2003, 06:37 PM
A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phase makes it, feminine intuition.

H.L. Mencken

Phlegethon
Friday, October 3rd, 2003, 09:27 AM
"The fixed stars signify the angel in man. That is why man orients himself by them; and that is why women have no appreciation for the starry sky; because they have no sense of the angel in man."


Otto Weininger

Ominous Lord Spoonblade
Friday, October 3rd, 2003, 04:43 PM
I like the starry sky.

And Mencken quotes are always the best. :D

Gladstone
Friday, October 3rd, 2003, 05:52 PM
How could you Sig? :(

Mencken is a traitor to his gender!! Away with him!!

Now we just got to find a good quote from a feminine gender traitoress to even the score. This must not be left unavenged.



;)
Gladstone

Ominous Lord Spoonblade
Friday, October 3rd, 2003, 10:56 PM
Oh Mencken is far from being a traitor to his gender. he was not one of those pro-feminist men of his time that's for sure!

If he was, his quotes wouldn't be so good ;)

Stríbog
Saturday, October 4th, 2003, 01:31 AM
Mencken was a genius and a font of wisdom. :)
In my opinion, he was one of the great Americans of all time.

Gladstone
Saturday, October 4th, 2003, 01:34 AM
Mencken was a genius and a font of wisdom. :)
In my opinion, he was one of the great Americans of all time.
Et tu Stribog? ;)

Dr. Solar Wolff
Wednesday, October 29th, 2003, 05:15 AM
Why are women so over concerned with what men are thinking? In the man-woman relationship, women know so much more than men do. For instance, women seem to read body language form birth. Men have to study it unless they are concerned with a rival man---then they know it all. In the man-woman thing, men are relatively simple while women are complex. Men want sex and then want to be left alone. Women need a whole lot of coaching first and afterward. The only mistake women make is reading too much into men.

Ominous Lord Spoonblade
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 06:17 AM
Men want sex and then want to be left alone. Women need a whole lot of coaching first and afterward.

Before -of course! Afterwards -meh.


The only mistake women make is reading too much into men.

That's how I feel about the "gender issue" as a whole. I think it's just crazy to try and dissect the opposite sex. Though you can tell in individuals what typical traits they have of their gender ;)

Nordhammer
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 11:07 AM
Hey that's not fair! In the war between men and women, women can't use men against men. ;) Find such intelligent quotes from women, if you can. :D

Parzifal_
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 07:02 PM
A picture is worth a thousand words...

Parzifal_
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 07:04 PM
A picture is worth a thousand words...

Oops...OK heres that wordy picture!

Parzifal_
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 07:05 PM
For the last time...

Sigrun Christianson
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 07:54 PM
Hey that's not fair! In the war between men and women, women can't use men against men. ;) Find such intelligent quotes from women, if you can. :D
I would, but women are usually far too busy working and taking care of men to be able to sit around on their laurels and come up with witty quotes or search the net for them. Excuse me whilst I get back to work now... ;)

Nordhammer
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 09:30 PM
I would, but women are usually far too busy working and taking care of men to be able to sit around on their laurels and come up with witty quotes or search the net for them. Excuse me whilst I get back to work now... ;)

Hmm... finding intelligent quotes from females... you would have to take at least a week off for that research. That's like finding a needle in a haystack. :D

Sigrun Christianson
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 09:47 PM
Hmm... finding intelligent quotes from females... you would have to take at least a week off for that research. That's like finding a needle in a haystack. :DAs I stated previously, that's because we can't take time off from taking care of y'all to pursue such trivialities... OMG, who would get y'all your food & beer?

:jaw

Nordhammer
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 10:08 PM
As I stated previously, that's because we can't take time off from taking care of y'all to pursue such trivialities... OMG, who would get y'all your food & beer?

:jaw

Aww, you said "y'all." I'll concede just for that. :)

Ominous Lord Spoonblade
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003, 10:55 PM
The perfect quote for all of this:

"One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty."

-Jane Austen

:D

Scáthach
Wednesday, November 5th, 2003, 12:56 AM
I can't stand Austen. Infact i can't stand most female authors or poets. Laurence Hope is the exception but even then I can only read her at times..

Ominous Lord Spoonblade
Wednesday, November 5th, 2003, 12:59 AM
I can't stand Austen. Infact i can't stand most female authors or poets. Laurence Hope is the exception but even then I can only read her at times..

I'm not a fan of her either, but that's a good quote.

I really like Dorothy Parker. Even though she's half-Jewish doesn't change the fact that her poems are great. :shrug

Sigrun Christianson
Wednesday, November 5th, 2003, 01:09 AM
You traitors! ;)

I like Austen and a lot of other chick authors.

Scáthach
Wednesday, November 5th, 2003, 01:36 AM
Austen is terrible. Who are the other decent female authors you like, I have trouble thinking of any I've really enjoyed or thought a lot of!
Think I'll head back to my all male written books now :D

Ominous Lord Spoonblade
Wednesday, November 5th, 2003, 01:43 AM
How about Mary Shelley? There's probably a lot of good contemporary female authors, but I usually don't read many contemporary works. Dunno why!

edit: on second thought, it must be because of the evil, oppressive underground canonical society!

Scáthach
Wednesday, November 5th, 2003, 02:20 AM
I have to be honest and say I far preferred her husband's work! :D

Sigrun Christianson
Wednesday, November 5th, 2003, 05:33 AM
The Bronte sisters, Savitri Devi, Ayn Rand, E. B. Browning, Louisa May Alcott, Emily Dickinson, Virginia Woolf, George Eliot, Agatha Chrsitie, Shirley Jackson, Willa Cather, Camille Paglia, Pauline Reage, Anne Rice, Argh!

**************************************** ***********

To C.--, who is sweeter than honey and the honeycomb,
B.-- sends all the love that one can send to love.
http://www.sappho.com/images/dot_clear.gif O my unique and special one,
Why are you delaying so long in that far-off land?
Why do you want me to die, your one and only
Who loves you, as you know, with all her body and soul,
and who, like a hungry little bird,
Sighs for you at every hour and every moment?
For ever since I was cut off from your sweetest presence,
I have not wanted to hear or see anyone else but you;
Just as a turtledove, after she lost her husband,
Remains forever sitting on its barren twig,
So I lament without end
Until I once more can enjoy your faithfulness.
I look around and do not find my lover,
Nor anyone to console me with a word.
While I very happily
Review in my mind the sweetness
Of your conversations and your appearance,
I am oppressed with terrible pain,
For I find nothing like them now.
What should I compare to your love?
It is sweeter than honey or the honeycomb.
And compared to it, the luster of gold and silver are worthless.
What else can I say? In you are all sweetness and value.
Thus my spirit always languishes in your absence.
You have none of the poison of treachery;
You are sweeter than milk and honey.
You are singled out from the thousands;
I love you more than all the others;
You alone are my love and my desire;
You are the sweet refreshment of my soul.
There is no pleasure for me
Without you.
Everything that was pleasant with you
Is wearisome now and dreary without you.
And so, I wish to say that in all truth
That if I could pay my life for you, I would not hesitate
Because you are the only woman I have chosen with my heart.
Therefore, I always pray to God
That bitter death does not come to me
Before I enjoy the sight of you, so long desired and so dear.
Farewell. --
Have all my faith and love;
Accept what I have written and sent you
And my ever faithful spirit.


To G, her one and only rose,
A.-- sends the bond of precious love.
http://www.sappho.com/images/dot_clear.gif What strength have I that I may bear it,
That I may endure your absence?
Is my strength the strength of stones
That can wait for your return?
I never cease from aching, night and day,
Like someone missing a hand and foot.
Without you anything happy or delightful
Seems like mud trod underfoot.
Instead of rejoicing I weep;
My spirit never seems joyful.
When I remember the kisses you gave me,
The way you refreshed my little breasts with sweet words,
I would like to die
Since I cannot see you.
What should I, most wretched, do?
Where should I, most poor, turn?
O, if my body had been committed to earth
Until your longed-for return,
Or if I could go on a journey like Habakkuk,
So that just once I could come to where
I saw the face of my lover,
Then I would not care if I died that very hour.
For there is no one who has been born in the world
Who is so lovable and dear,
No one who without feigning
Loves me with so deep a love.
Therefore, I ache without end
Until I am allowed to see you.
According to one wise man, the worst misery
Is to be far from someone one cannot live without.
As long as the world endures,
You will never be blotted out from my heart's care.
Why do I linger with so many words?
Come back, my sweet love!
Don't put off your journey any longer.
Know that I can no longer endure your absence.
Farewell--
Remember me.

Glenlivet
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 12:00 AM
Indeed, women are complicated, confusing or just so intelligent that it is too hard to understand them :) That one was hilarious.



For the last time...

Triglav
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 01:19 PM
Indeed, women are complicated, confusing or just so intelligent that it is too hard to understand them :) That one was hilarious.

Yeah, you just literally have to "push the right buttons" ;).

Sigrun Christianson
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 01:56 PM
I object to this whole thread. First, I want some proof that men's minds really work - only then can we discuss how they work. :P

Taras Bulba
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 07:01 PM
I object to this whole thread. First, I want some proof that men's minds really work - only then can we discuss how they work. :P

Actually there's much proof of that I must say. Consider the fact that all the major contributors to Western civilization in the arts, sciences, politics, humanities, and so on have been almost entirely been male. :P

Now we should really try to provide proof that womens' brains actually think of anything besides trival things. :D


"Women are generally stupid, but the devil lends her brains when she works for him. Then she accomplishes miracles of thinking, farsightedness, constancy, in order to do something nasty."
--Leo Tolstoy 1898

My how little changes!

Phlegethon
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 07:19 PM
Now we should really try to provide proof that womens' brains actually think of anything besides trival things.

If women said what they thought they'd be speechless.

*

Women never reason, and therefore are (comparatively) seldom wrong.

*

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

*

Women are too imaginative to have much power of reasoning.

*

No woman, plain or pretty, has any common sense at all. Common sense is the privilege of our sex and we men are so self-sacrificing that we never use it.

*

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

Sigrun Christianson
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 07:27 PM
I had no idea we had so many members of the He-Man Woman-Haters clubs on the board. One would think that men of your persuasions would be a little nicer considering how few high quality women are available to you... ;)

Taras Bulba
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 07:39 PM
I had no idea we had so many members of the He-Man Woman-Haters clubs on the board. One would think that men of your persuasions would be a little nicer considering how few high quality women are available to you... ;)

Trust me, if you met me in the real world you'd consider me among the most polite gentlemen you've ever met! And that seems to be part of my problem, because women these days are not attracted to traditional gentlemen, but immature n*gger wannabe badboys. But I simply refuse to comprimise on my chivalric principles just to be with a woman.

Just remember, misogynists are not born, they're made! :D

Sigrun Christianson
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 07:43 PM
Just remember, misogynists are not born, they're made! :D
So are feminists. :D

Taras Bulba
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 07:48 PM
If women said what they thought they'd be speechless.
Yes thats because they have nothing thoughtful to speak about in the first place, which is why they babble on continously about nothing!



Women never reason, and therefore are (comparatively) seldom wrong.

:lol Yes, just let women run the world and everything would be fine. Just like our current matriarchy is leading us to new age of spiritual enlightenment.


Women would rather be right than reasonable.
And therefore are neither!

Nice quotes! Too bad they're wrong!

Nordhammer
Sunday, November 9th, 2003, 08:12 PM
I had no idea we had so many members of the He-Man Woman-Haters clubs on the board. One would think that men of your persuasions would be a little nicer considering how few high quality women are available to you... ;)

Phleg is the ringleader, blame him! :) He brings out the misogynist in us all. :D

This is the best one -

"Women never reason, and therefore are (comparatively) seldom wrong."