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Reshki
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 01:32 AM
I have a bit of an ethical dilemma. The last few years have been rather brutal on me. I've been through two major surgeries, laid off from work, etc. Despite all of it, I'd kept to my plans for the future.

I had planned to have my house paid off, truck paid off, and a good chunk of change in the bank. Despite all of that, I remained on track by giving up some other things that weren't essential to my goals. I was almost there, I had success in my hand.

But then, I lost it all. I won't go into the gory details, let's just say a certain family member got hooked up with some stupid vapid piece of meat crack whore (yes, she's literally a whore), who soaked him for everything. I agreed to bail him out of the trouble he was in, but with the understanding that it had to be paid back, or I'd lose everything.

Of course, he was grateful to me. And of course, he never paid me back. In fact, he kept on doing it for another 4 months. I lost it all for my family, and got screwed. He won;'t even admit what he'd done. She kept coming back demanding more and more.

This was a bit over a year ago.

But I'm torn on what to do.
My Christian friends tell me to let it be and let God have His justice.

But my blood cries out for vengeance. I probably won't do anything to him for family's sake, but I have told hikm he's no longer welcome, and if he does it again, I'll watch him fall.

The earliest I can get back to where I was will be in another 10 years. By then, I'll be too old to start a family, which is what I wanted more than anything since I can remember.

I feel like my future was taken, and I want to tear her and her family's lives apart (being that she's a crack whore, there's plenty of legal ways to go about it, I just need to let her and her family -- all dirt bags -- hang themselves, and then give the authorities enough rope to hang them).

I want to hear them cry. i want to hear their lament over the lives they've thrown away. I want them to suffer what I've been made to suffer.

But can't reconcile if that makes me as bad as them.
Should I just let them go, or should I listen to my inner voice that tells me not to let this crime go unanvenged?

Wittmann
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 02:41 AM
First of all I want to say that I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I wish there was some way I could help. On the other note, I would agree that you should find a way to take (legal) revenge on her for what she did to your future. Sue her or report her to the police and do everything you can to get that money back. On a side note, when you agreed to helpp your family menber if he agreed to straighten out, that is technically a legal contract and you can sue him for breach of contract and recover your money.

Reshki
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 03:32 AM
Verbal agreement won't hold up in court.

Besides, I don't think I'd be any better than him if I did that. Not to mention neither he nor her have anywhere near the money. Costing her any joy or semblance of a good life is the best (worst) I can do. Her family is not above reproach as they stand by her, and even help her get her drugs and let her negroid sex partners stay with them.

Wittmann
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 08:23 AM
Verbal agreement won't hold up in court.

Besides, I don't think I'd be any better than him if I did that. Not to mention neither he nor her have anywhere near the money. Costing her any joy or semblance of a good life is the best (worst) I can do. Her family is not above reproach as they stand by her, and even help her get her drugs and let her negroid sex partners stay with them.

I have seen verbal agreements stand up in court, and especially if you can prove you gave him the money. Mind if I ask how much you lost?

The Aesthete
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 09:08 AM
Don’t let what happened stop you from having kids, racial others who have nothing come here and have several, to support Germanics having kids is ok by me (we aren’t even replacing ourselves). You don’t need lots of money for your children to have a happy childhood.

SpearBrave
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 01:12 PM
First off I'm very sorry this happened to you.:(

As far as your family member goes you can't just blame the girl as it takes both of them to commit these acts against you. However there may be hope for your family member. Sometimes it takes people to hit rock bottom before they realize there is a better way. When this does happen and it will, you should remember he is your blood and you should try to help him. Just not with money, but with understanding and support. Time has a way of healing such things. Chances are this relationship with the trashy race mixer will not work out in the long term.

When it comes to starting a family, do it now. If you wait until you think you are ready that day may never come. Starting family is something you just have to do, you never know what fate has in store for you. Really there can be no better joy than having your children and I would think you would want to enjoy that sooner rather than later. Don't worry so much about the money, it is only a small thing when compared to the joy of a family.

velvet
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 02:27 PM
Time has a way of healing such things.

No, it doesnt. Not when such an incident crushed your life, your own plans for which you worked hard and then it is taken away from you for nothing but sh*t.

I've learned the hard way that family doesnt mean family to everyone. Giving unconditionally on the idea of family without looking at the other personally brings you in situations like that.

In my case it was my mother who screwed me. I can never expect to get back what she took away (which is more than just money), so I quit contact, not only with her but also with my brother, who was somehow involved in that (wont go into details...). This protects at least me from future abuse for their egoistic wishes and behavior. Does it hurt? Yes, and it still does after eight years. Am I better off without them? Yes, too.



Reshki, this is a hard destiny you got there :( and I really feel with you.
What I did isnt maybe the right way for you though. This would depend on your relation before that to him, whether you supported each other and so on.

In general though, when you gave him money, you can indeed sue him to pay it back. A verbal contract is still a contract. The problem is, if you do, it will most likely lead to a break up with your family, when they support him more than you or dont understand that you need to do it, because otherwise your life gets screwed.

But I do indeed understand that will to vengeance, when you feel that strong about it. When you fought for years for what you had and then it goes all down the drain for nothing and you realise that the other doesnt even understand what he has done to you.
Though I'd say go after him and not after that crack whore, when you bring her into prison maybe, it won't hurt him really. He might be pissed for a while, but when she's that terrible a person, he might at the end be happy about it and still dont see what he has done to you. So make him pay, with money and emotionally, let him feel your wrath and make clear for what he deserves it. Crushing third parties, or the assumed reason for that he screwed you just excuses his behavior, but won't bring you the desired emotional reward of vengeance.

Though, again, when you decide to go that road, be aware of what side effects it has or can have. Although he, and probably other members of your family dont see why you are pissed (its just money and it was for family, but dont see that this also requires something in return), they will come and tell you that you cant sue family. Depending on how your family thinks about things like that and what relation they have to you, the reactions will differ. And in the worst case this then creates a break up.

It is a hard decision to make with bad consequences that can occure. But when this really is about to crush your life, your future for that you fought hard, then you wont forget that ever. Could you just get over it, sit with that person together at one table at family meetings and do as if nothing had happened? This is the question you need to answer yourself.


Good luck for whatever route to go you chose!

Ocko
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 03:11 PM
The last few years have been rather brutal on me. I've been through two major surgeries, laid off from work, etc. Despite all of it, I'd kept to my plans for the future.

I had planned to have my house paid off, truck paid off, and a good chunk of change in the bank. Despite all of that, I remained on track by giving up some other things that weren't essential to my goals. I was almost there, I had success in my hand.

But then, I lost it all.

It looks to me that your destiny is telling you something and you are too stubborn to listen. You are on the wrong way and the forces of fate try to stop you. If you don't let go, as your christian friends tell you, more shit is coming.

You meet your fate on the road where you try to avoid it.

I certainly suggest you go into a retreat, if you are christian go to one of theirs, a place where you have time to think and to let things sink in.

Reshki
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 04:08 PM
Appreciate it Ocko, but I think maybe things happened because I was on the RIGHT path. I try to treat everyone fairly, done well at work (moved up rapidly, despite really not trying to (this is after I got laid off and started my new job). Sometimes people just don't like it when someone does right and is successful for it.

To the others:
I do blame him more than her. Maybe 60% his fault, 40% hers. I lay so much blame on her and her family, because I went to them, explained what they were doing (the "relationship is, in fact, over) and they didn't want to hear anything bad about their little angel, and she just sneered and said she's going to do what she does. Knowingly doing such damage requires payment.

As for him, well, he's my father, and is the last of my family. All of my grandparents are dead, my mother is dead, and my brother was killed (on the way home by some drug pushers -- yes, I admit this biases me against them) about 12 years ago.
In reality, I don't have to do anything to punish him. He's been a fool hiks whole life, and hasn't stopped. He's already mostly squandered the chance I gave him, and isn't far from losing it all again. This time I will do nothing and let him fall. I have a clear conscience about it, because he's the one who made me incapable of helping him, even if I was inclined to. It also means that he doesn't have anything to pay me back with.


Starting a family is a no-go. I am selling everything noty nailed down just to stabilize myhself, and it'll be close to 10 years until I can pay my bills on time and stop robbing Peter to pay Paul. That'll put me in my 40s, and that's just to be scraping by. That is, unless something fortuitous happens.

Contrast that with the fact that, had this not been done, I would have had my house paid off, my truck paid off, and a little over $30,000 in the bank LAST JULY. That takes into account having the two surgeries.

So, as far as not waiting to start a family because it'll never happen; it would have happened a year ago. I had it, I did it right. How many people would have had a start like that in their early 30s? I sacrificed everything else to get there, and I was thrown under the train by my own father.

His response? "Well, I didn't have any of that when I got married." So sinc ehe didn't have it, he saw that it was just fine to take it from me.

I'm really pissed.

The dream is gone.

I'm not going to get over it, every day of my life will be a reminder.

Sorry for being such a downer.

Víđálfr
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 04:26 PM
It looks to me that your destiny is telling you something and you are too stubborn to listen. You are on the wrong way and the forces of fate try to stop you. If you don't let go, as your christian friends tell you, more shit is coming.
I have quite the same feeling about it.

First of all, Reshki, I am sorry for what you had to suffer, but try to understand that nothing happens by accident, and you have something to learn from every little issue of life. I can feel your wrath about what happened to you, but don't let the anger, wrath and other negative feelings like that dominate you.

As Ocko said, you probably need some time to think more about what those things are trying to teach you. Even if some things seem to happen with no reason, or without being deserved, everything, with no exception, happens with a reason.

Also, sometimes things just cannot go as we planned them. There are some reasons for that, reasons which we are sometimes not able to see. But we can reach the understanding of those, or at least accept them. Just be careful and don't make things worst for you. If you believe in something, God, or gods, or whatever, you can ask for help, to help you understand, to open your eyes in the good direction.

It's more than just ethics. Spending your time thinking of revenge, or about how bad you feel, won't solve the problem. Ethics were created for some reasons. Sometimes is just better to try to see the more general 'landscape', the big picture. Even if things seem to be painful. It's always better to try to view things with a free heart, I mean without being leaded by anger or vengeance. Of course it's better to listen to your own intuition, but be careful to discern between what is truly your own intuition, and the negative feelings that can make you react impulsively and against the universal laws.

What goes around comes around, so the only think I can advice you, is to try to get a rest and think about it all with calm and understanding. There is something you have to understand, for sure. But you should know it better. ;)

Good luck! And it's good that you asked for opinions, maybe this will help you think more about it, and give you some better insight!

Víđálfr
Monday, August 16th, 2010, 05:34 PM
I wrote the earlier reply BEFORE reading your latest post. But still, things I wrote there are to be considered. I am just adding something. :)

[...]I think maybe things happened because I was on the RIGHT path.
It's possible to be so. You should know it better. Things are more complicated than that, you know, and even more trails are coming towards you when you are on the RIGHT path.


As for him, well, he's my father, and is the last of my family. [...] my brother was killed (on the way home by some drug pushers -- yes, I admit this biases me against them) about 12 years ago.
[...] I have a clear conscience about it, because he's the one who made me incapable of helping him, even if I was inclined to.
Oh, it's your father... And the way your brother was killed... maybe this has something to say, as well. I can guess that you did everything you could to help your father, because it's your father.

Some wise men are saying that we owe so much to our parents... Our parents, as they are, are the reason for our existence, in this form, here and now. I used to have an awful relationship with my mother, since my childhood, I was never going along well with her, for many many reasons. But now, being far away from her, I started to realize that she is my mother, and that means something. It's difficult to describe that in words, but... no matter what happens, our parents are our parents. I had something against that, because my relationship with my mother, but I started to realize something... I'm glad I did it now, and not later.



Starting a family is a no-go.[...]That'll put me in my 40s, and that's just to be scraping by. That is, unless something fortuitous happens.
You can never know... Everything is possible. ;)


His response? "Well, I didn't have any of that when I got married."
My grandmother told me that many times. She and my grandfather didn't have anything, besides the clothes on them, when they got off into the world. And they started a family having not so much. My parents had lots of things, including a house bought by my grandparents, but their marriage wasn't a really happy one, it ended in divorce. They ended up having nothing more, materially speaking, than they had when they got married (excepting the children, of course). Unlike my grandparents. Ok, it can also be about the more general political and economical changes in the country, but still, that's not an excuse. However, if my parents didn't met and didn't found a family, I wouldn't have been born and I wouldn't have been here now. I should be grateful for that.

And from other stories I've heard... you don't really need to have too much to be able to start a family or to get married. If you really want to do that, things will come towards granting your wish. But you should really want it.


The dream is gone.
Don't think like that. It's not all about money and material things, even if they have an importance too. Just as SpearBrave also said.
And if you have dreams, don't let them go. If you really believe in your dream, it will come true. Just be careful what dreams you have! :P

If you didn't have that money... at that moment... could you have been able to help your father? You chose to do that. And if you didn't help him, or if you didn't have the money to help him, what could have happen then? You see, money is something you can have now, and the next day you can loose everything. You gave it to your father, but you could have lost them in other way, you can never know what could have happened. So try to value other things instead. There should be a good part about it, at all. Just try to see it.


I'm not going to get over it, every day of my life will be a reminder.
It's good to learn from your own life experiences, but don't let it literally destroy your life. You can get over it. Yes, you can, if you want to. Some wise men say that he is able who he thinks he is able. It's your choice, after all. We have the life we create, and nothing is given to us just randomly.

I really hope you'll get over it and do what's best to be done in your situation. So, good luck, again! :thumbup

Mouse Shadow
Thursday, September 2nd, 2010, 08:59 AM
@ Reshki,

Only give empathy to those that deserve empathy. Otherwise, sociopaths and those who turn into them will eat you like a living carcass. Preying upon your emotions and mental anguish. DON'T LET THEM DO IT!

Close your heart forever to those monsters.

Open your heart to the beautiful and kind people. TRUST ME ON THAT!!! You know who I mean, the carer types, the good souls.

I've found, even when things are really, really bad, your emotional state is in tatters and things just keep slipping further away, thats when you need good people around to warm up your soul.

It's like this, you could be in the sh*ttiest job, the crappest house and neighbourhood, but it's the light from the people around you that keep you sane and together, and even happiest.

Rage and pain just eat you up. You need to re-evaluate to get that crap out of your life forever. Velvet is right on. Things that burn you will scar you for life unless you can replace it's burden with love, care and happiness, however you can get it.

I would absolutley recommend watching the show 'The Secret', but keep rewatching it until the message clanks together in your head. You'll utterly know it when it happens. Everything will become clear and the path you take from here on in will emerge. Only you can pick the path you want, we can however express our will to make you feel a little more comforted.

Anyway, trust Mouse Shadow, I've got a kind soul and artists firey blood, and that puts me in the firing line and hell most of the time. It's why I detest sociopaths more than Hitler hated the spews.

Find strength, wisdom and warmth in the presence of kind people, becuase they like to help. ;)

Wittmann
Thursday, September 2nd, 2010, 09:20 AM
Although not a sociopath per-se, I do posses strong sociopathic traits and ideals, I would say I'm sorry for it, but I'm not. Truthfully I am glad I am the sociopathic type, for some reason people have always been drawn to me, in school all of my teachers loved me, everyone liked me, and women in my classes were always flirting and asking me out, I never understood it, untill I realized I fit about 7/10 of the qualities of a sociopath. Even now people just seem drawn to me as a leader, and women always look at me and pay me extra attention, especially like waitresses and such.

Ocko
Friday, September 3rd, 2010, 03:59 PM
Most of the time people get caught in the triangle of victim, perpetrator and rescuer.

All the people and stories around them make them only see victims, perpetrators (bullies) and rescuers.

To get out of that prison you have to change the view of your life. Things often happen because they have to happen. People play their roles in that game which is your fate. Don't take it personally otherwise you will just sink deeper into the mud.

Remember it is the Gods which arrange things for you so you learn. The idea is to go beyond of what you know what you are. It is to gain spirituell mass to finally get to the realm of the Gods yourself.

If you get stuck in that triangle you will gain nothing but pain. To free yourself of it is a healing attitude and you will come out a better being.

Whether you see yourself as a victim of other people's deeds who leave you in a worse place after dealing with you, or if you see yourself as perpetrator, justifying being a bad ass or thinking that treating other people bad is a sign of strength, or if you see yourself as a rescuer who has to help other people, like relatives or friends or whatever, give it up and look from the eagle's point of view, see with the eyes of the Gods and think what you learn about it. Overcome your anger, pain, desperation or whatever mood there is and watch the story neutrally and objective from a high point. See yourself in a theater, on stage and think about that role.

That triangle is a vicious cycle and a formidable trap.

your attitudes will only change after you changed your being. Changing your being means hard work to overcome your own inner obstacles and points of view.

I which you good luck, my friend. May your life be a travel and move on instead of getting stuck in one place.